To You, Fox News, My Most Fair and Balanced Friend - Andrew Schneider

Oh, you, embroiderer of facts,

Perverter of truths,

Must you besmirch the name of such a majestic beast?

In a more perfect world you might be christened a less perfect animal,

Or perhaps I am wrong.

Perhaps you have earned your namesake.

Perhaps a fiery coat of amber suits you.

You have indeed the qualities of such a beast:

What other animal is master of trickery

And deceit?

Who else takes such foul intent and weaves such a tantalizing fable for men

And gets away with doing so?

You are indeed eloquent

For a silver tongue fits said description.

But still, I wonder at the many tending to your words!

Have you brought them under your spell, my nine-tailed friend?

Or perhaps they prefer the crow’s mantle

And delight in hearing your honeyed words?


One thing is certain though:

Once you start running,

As you so love to do from facts,

You can be sure I’ll be behind you,

For I hear hunting season starts soon.