[9/6/2014 Sat. 16:23:48]
wanna join the football team?
[9/6/2014 Sat. 16:24:11]
… who r u
[9/6/2014 Sat. 16:24:19]
oh srry lol I’m Odysseus. I’m a senior. rumor has it ur a good qtrbck
[9/6/2014 Sat. 16:25:04]
[9/6/2014 Sat. 16:25:14]
u should join Agamemnon is our cap
[9/6/2014 Sat. 16:25:20]
i don’t even know who that is
[9/6/2014 Sat. 16:25:29]
rumor also has it that u and pat r gay
notahero has logged out
[9/6/2014 Sat. 17:00:02]
tryouts are on monday after school c u!
Achilles shrugged, shifting his position on his not-boyfriend’s lap and rolling over onto his back
so he could look up at him. “Yeah, my mom doesn’t think I should join ‘cause she’s convinced I’m gonna like, die on the field someday or something.”
“You could tell that to Odysseus,” Patroclus suggested. “No, that’s lame.”
“Do you want to join?”
“It’d be kinda cool, I guess. Make a name for myself. Whatever.”
“Or you could not join and have more free time to hang out with me.” “Yeah, that’d be cool. I’m probably gonna join though.”
Achilles grinned and poked the other boy’s cheek. “You should join too.” “Ha. Ha. Good one, Achilles.”
“I dunno, be a manager or something. You could spend more time with me that way~”
Odysseus nudged his friend in the ribs. “I told you he’d come.”
“You could act a bit happier, you know.”
The two approached Achilles, who was looking a bit lost on where to go. “I hear you think you’re all that,” Agamemnon said by way of greeting.
“That’s bull,” Achilles responded. “I am all that.” “So you’ll fight for me?”
“I’ll fight for me and lead your team to victory but you’re not my captain and you’ll never be my captain because I’m awesome and I’ll do what I want so there.”
Agamemnon shot an irritated look at Odysseus. Odysseus shrugged. “Also I want Pat to be the manager of this team.”
“But you’ll die,” Thetis protested.
“Thanks for the support, Mom, but I already made the team so there’s not much we can do about
CheaterDude: hey did u hear that the Trojans stole Menelaus’ gf?
Me: wtf how do high school students steal a girl call the police or something
CheaterDude: no we’re playing them in a few weeks so we’ll get her back then
CheaterDude: and did you really put me as “cheaterdude” in your contacts?
Me: u creep i literally just got ur number from Diomedes yesterday and u weren’t even there how the hell do you know what i put u as?
CheaterDude: i have my ways ;)
“So yeah, it’s an away game at Troy High,” Achilles idly played with his not-boyfriend’s hair. “You’re coming, right?”
Patroclus cuddled closer in a very platonic fashion. “I’m sort of the manager. So like I kinda have
“Cool. We’re gonna get back Helen because apparently she’s worth as much as a football game.” “Football guys are weird.”
“Tell me about it. But our team is strong. Ajax is a freaking tank, and then there’s me.” “I heard Hector’s pretty good.”
“Eh. I can take him.”
[9/15/2014 Mon. 18:13:26]
THE FOOTBALL TEAM RAIDED TROY?
IS THAT WHY YOU WEREN’T INS CHOOL TODAY???
[9/15/2014 Mon. 18:14:04]
oh hey pat
lol i was just replying to your like 300 texts
we just raided the town not the school
[9/15/2014 Mon. 18:14:30] WTF ISN’T THAT ILLEGAL AND YOU STOLE A GIRL????
[9/15/2014 Mon. 18:14:44]
i mean… they took helen so… OH lol fun story
i got the girl :D her name is Briseis wanna meet her?
[9/15/2014 Mon. 18:16:01]
Pat: Achilles I swear to god if you’re out raiding Troy again…
Me: we got dis chick Chryseis :D
[Email sent 9/16/2014 6:15:32]
I am Chryses, the father of Chryseis. You might know her as the girl you and your football team kidnapped during your “raid” of our peaceful town of Troy. I am willing to ignore this outrageous act and keep the au- thorities out of it provided you return her as soon as possible.
This is a generous offer, and you would do well to comply. Know that should you not return her you incur the wrath of Apollo, our town mayor.
I am sure you will make the right decision. Sincerely,
Chryses, Trojan priest of Apollo
[Email sent 9/16/2014 18:00:00]
Chryses, Suck it.
“Agamemnon’s being a moron and a douche so I’m not playing for the team anymore,” Achilles grumbled, picking at his dinner. “Also he took Briseis. Also like half the guys randomly got sick.”
Thetis looked very pleased about this.
“Hey, you’re like weirdly related to my school’s principal, right? Can you ask him to do something to make the team suffer more?”
“Aww, sweetie, I’d be happy to.” Part 10:
SHOWDOWN BETWEEN PARIS AND MENELAUS
WHEN: FRIDAY, MIDNIGHT WHERE: TURF
WINNER GETS HELEN!!!!
CheaterDude: it was such bull
CheaterDude: paris totally cheated
got like his mom or someone to bail him out
and now they’re all saying it doesn’t count as Menelaus’ win so we don’t get back Helen
and Menelaus got sort of injured
Me: stop texting me
SHOWDOWN BETWEEN HECTOR AND AJAX WHEN: SATURDAY, MIDNIGHT
WHERE: TURF WINNER GETS HELEN!!!!
CheaterDude: no one won :(
Me: i’m going to block you
“Dude, Agamemnon apologized, why don’t you just play for them again?” Patroclus blinked, put- ting on his puppy dog face. “They need you.”
Achilles pointedly looked away (for if he gazed into those puppy dog eyes he knew he would never be able to say no) and growled, “I’m not playing for them again until the Trojans storm right into my house. Or your house. Or until Hector personally offends me.”
“That’s a bit specific.”
“Shut up, Pat.”
“Rude. No platonic bed sharing tonight for you.” Part 15:
Achilles: Pat wanna do me a favor?
Achilles: after school today can u go see how the team’s doing?
Me: what no you go Achilles: pleeeeeeaaase? Me: no
Achilles: we can make out afterwards?
“You guys look awful,” Patroclus observed, standing on the sidelines and watching his former
Nestor gave a really inspiring speech. Patroclus was moved.
“I’m gonna do the thing,” Hector declared. “Hector, don’t do the thing,” Paris cried.
Pat: so tomorrow’s the game
Me: so it is
Pat: i think you should play
Pat: everyone’s gonna hate you
Me: no they’ll hate Agamemnon because he’s a douche
Pat: no they’ll hate you
Pat: I could dress up as you and pretend to be you so people don’t hate you
Me: I’m listening
Patroclus did okay until he was tackled and crushed by at least nine Trojans. He was promptly sent to the emergency room.
Achilles stepped on the field. The crowd roared. He gazed to the other end of the field, where the Trojan team was watching him carefully. His eyes narrowed when he spotted the man who had killed/injured his not-boyfriend.
Odysseus: hey Pat! hope ur doing better
so the good news is we won
the bad news is Achilles almost killed Hector and also publicly humiliated him by dragging his unconscious
body around the field until authorities stepped in
it was pretty rough your bf’s a badass
Dear Mister Priam,
I am writing this letter to you to apologize for my behavior on Friday’s football game. I gave your son, Hec- tor, enough injuries to send him to the hospital, and I also dragged his body around the field several times afterwards. I realize now that that was inappropriate and I am very sorry.
“You got expelled,” Thetis shrieked.
Achilles scratched his cheek. “At least I didn’t die like you said I would, right?” Part 24:
Achilles: hey pat u wanna hang out Saturday?
Me: i can’t move my body
Achilles: I was thinking I could come to you we could watch a movie?
Me: that’d be pretty cool
Achilles: cool see you then <3
While the two were cuddling, both got several text messages from Odysseus complaining about how long it was taking him to get home.
It was a little weird considering it had already been more than a week since the game. Part 26:
CheaterDude: oops accidentally rear-ended someone
he has an eyepatch!
brb gonna have some fun with this one